Healing Room (rough draft)

November 22, at like 3:30 a,

finally read up on the Jezebel spirit. and it made my blood run cold. i had to repent tere and then of my arrogant attitude towards this man who was called to do this healing room. He did what the Lord told him to do.

when he said he saw theat tribal spirit either in me or having power over me i now think he was referring to the spsirt that i fially learned about last night. the same one i will try to write down about mya marriage.

i think i have it because of the way i dislike man's authority over me. the way i dislke men touching me who i do not know. my refusal to submit yet being 'submissive'. if this trauma i faced in the last 24 hours made me awake, then thank you Jesus. i would not even want that thing to touch anyone i care about again.

and as long as that spirit has a place in my life...wow. .. only by His power and love can i rebuke that. i rebuke that thought right now. .

wow..

that is why he had me step forward, symbolizing being clean. i only wish he hadn't been so rushed. adn gone so fast. i felt like i was only somethig to be gotten through. a chore a task. the couple did not strike me as that. if it tookall night they would have been there with me, praying it through.

drowning, glub glub. yes sister. my circumstances definitely look like up a creek without a paddle, no hip waders in sight.

the despair was so thick coming up the hill out of Shelton, i though i was going to have to stop and throw up. Nothing new tonight, only the same old tapes.

so i got busy and did what i know now. stopped it before it could get ahold. Thought it through and then prayed and sang all the way home. got calmer and had some peace about my non-isssue. apparently to him.

i met with a couple, a young woman, and the 'man' himself.

charismatic with a heart. doctor soul himself coming to heal me in the naaaaame of jesus.

it was easy to step up. i knew i needed to.

the thing that he 'saw' was the tribal spirit affecting this area and this family. well, AHA.

He started out with the prophetic conclusion, which i didn't really catch, i was listening to the hands on me.

my hands were anointed first. which i liked because they are either for or against His work inj me and for Him.

The usual about me becoming a powerful person. only because he knows how to read body language. When i came into the room i had on work clothes, dirty hands still from ink, boots and a charming sense of humor. he pissed me off right off with the name thing, but i decided to let it pass.

i think he was hoping to have me go down because once he gave me a bit of a leaning push, hands on my head. Dear God, i hate having men touch me. i wanted to spark him but let it pass too.

There was the cleansing step into the new. which was right.

there was a confirming word for the warrior stuff.

There was a anointing for renewal for family and fighting there.

There was a bit of emotion, becasue i recognized His truth and realized it isn't nice to shock His messenger.

Then i asked for my sisters. and the youngest gal. took my hand. she was not confident at first but when i agreed with her spirit she gained confidence. Her image was that of me being lifted aloft as a warrior bird, brother eagle, but to remember that the eagle is carried on the back of Jesus and my eyesight would be sharp. the word for better discernment. Asking better questions. But to understand that the eyes to see snakes on the ground would be from my position of being carried. She was quite emphatic about that. Which confirms the 'not alone' statement.

she had a nice touch, like peaches and saddle leather.

The couple was fabulous. i was instantly at ease with them and the woman had deep hands. Hands that had known pain. Her word was the drowning one. Also that the pain in my hips would be cut. that was at the last. they all agreed and the cool thing is i have been pain free since then. REally stiff and sore, like muscle strain from snowboarding the first time up of the season. I can hear my hips racheting, but i feel nothing. She tried to show me how to block the pain from returning. so every time i get afraid i block it.

Then Mr. soul decided it was time for me to get baptized in the Holy Spirit. and he tried and failed. although we did sing 6-part harmony in a language that gave me zips up and down my arms. which i recognized and followed. But no heat and no colors.

so like i said, "What is bababab karachma?" nothing if my spirit can't understand it. so that was that.

It felt great though to be in Worded prayer. When he was doing the laying on of hands thing for the tongues, the husband got all choked up and said a word, that i heard with my spirit. He felt my longing. of all of them in the room he was the empath. So gave him a rough hug and said, "What was that brother?" and he just kind of smiled at me and hugged me back.

The way i flew down there in the dark and the rain it was lucky i made it alive.

I feel bleak though.

Then today i met with Laurie and Sharon at the mexican restaurant. Sharon is recovering from surgery and did not have the biopsy today, she was hurting but it was sooooooooo good to see her. Three years. She goes back to Cabo in December so i hope i get her and laurie to lay hands on then.

Caught up. They exchanged tongues stories and gave me sympathy and kept their own thoughts. lol. typical, grrr..

The utter darkness was moved up to priority.

number two was the anger and past i still drag up when dan is mentioned. aha..

forgiven but hand me that chalk board when he messes with the kid.

Sharon was concerned about the 'knowing part' cautioned me about getting mixed up with the crazed element of apostolic pentecostal. i had to chuckle to myself. she has no idea. and this woman casts out demons!

She was really helpful in the arena of keeping out the bad and wiping things clean so that Eli and co. are covered. we talked about 'seeing' and how we discern.

i really did need that. i though at first she was trying to discredit my emerging understanding but she was comparing methods, basically.. i guess there are some similarities regardless of unique function.

Also interesting how i have to watch my language there. ha. like a cuss word is unholy. whatever. i am a reactionary.

Sharon is the sharp, bad cop. Laurie is the observer, good cop. i am not sure i am supposed to put myself under them again. But it was good catching up and meeting as sisters and not the way it was before.

so all progress is forward progress.

and now i am tired. adn eli took a bunch of adderal to get high, so i chased him out. god, will he never learn.

i just wish i had body time with the man i crave. this is getting old fast.

as there is more i remember i will write it down.

playlist, Jack Johnson assorted

iPod as Talisman

There has been an awakening. no doubt.

There worldly energy attached to weed and its procurement, use, various benefits, is a heavy price to pay for harmony.

Eli challenged me. to go back to the mom who didn't allow any of 'that shit' in her home..

I ignored that.

Since i have freedom in Christ and he does not in this area, i must as the mature believer, not put a stumbling block in his way.. what is more important? That i lay down weed for a couple of years so my addictive son sees and smells victory? or that i cling to my rights?

it seemed like an aha. now i know why.

took all the weed and turned it into one iPod. much needed for this child to keep himself focused. With the understood energy that it becomes his talisman. To remind him. a stone altar. That he will be uncomfortable and uneasy and unmotivated to keep these various addictions of his going. like meth and weed and drinking.

talked to Druid. have no idea why, lol. he is the one who mentioned 'warding'. then it all fell right into place.

so while the son took a shower, i placed the iPod on my bible and asked the holy spirit to function as a physical talisman for eli. That he would be protected from usage, wanting, craving, manipulating. that he would begin to walk and function in the light as God intends him to.

why bother with an earth elemental of a cursed creation, when i have the power of all Heaven at my disposal.

Druid was right though. It IS about intent. a compact. a vow. something easy and light. significance.

love you jesus.

Whittle Away, Whittle Away!

Carbon Leaf song.

kk. the site header is new and old and changed...

Obedience as a form of intercession

azazel is the defensive.

intecessor is the offensive.

pleading ahead for the rain.

This morning i had to revoke all vows made in the previous.

still makes me lightheaded.

and that was not the flu.

yeah so somehow the feast of tabernacles came up. and i remember the references the first dinner out with le gentleman.

between rosh hashanah and yom kippur there is a season for the U'netane Tokef. the legal undoing of the spiritual things that are.

all i asked was "Who is he?" and "How do You want me to see You?"

It was the same answer for both and then He gave me the same courtesy and showed me what His heart is for me.

The intercessor warrior. As a picture of the ideal: takes all the good strategic logistics from the defensive. applies them and teachs new offenses.. seems like a simple enough transalliteration.

being healed of our images of the godhead is also key. thank you Laurie for the PINK Bible!~!

Zichronot  -  Remembrances

We recognize that Hashem is above Time, and the idea of "forgetting" does not apply to Him, nor is He limited in "understanding" the inner thoughts of His creatures.  Nevertheless, we ask that He "remember" only the "good" in our behalf when He Judges us.

For all of humanity, for the whole world is Judged today, we ask that He "remember" the faith of Noach who endured taunts and threats for 120 years while he built the Ark, and tried to explain its purpose to his wayward generation.

For the Jewish People in particular, we ask that He "remember" the early loyalty  of our People, who followed Him as a bride, as He said "I remember your youthful devotion, the love of your bridal days, how you followed Me through the desert, in a barren land" (Yirmiyahu 2:2) and later as a precious child, "Is it because Ephraim is my favorite son, my beloved child?  As often as I speak of him, I remember him fondly.  My heart yearns for him, I will have pity on him, says the L-rd." (Yirmiyahu 31:19)

Most of all, we ask that He "remember" the supreme act of devotion performed by our fathers Avraham and Yitzchak, where Avraham suppressed his natural feelings of mercy towards his son, and was prepared to sacrifice him at the command of G-d, and Yitzchak was prepared to be sacrificed, thereby suppressing his natural feelings of self-preservation, in fulfillment of G-d's command.  So should G-d suppress, so to speak, His  Midat HaDin , His Attribute of Strict Justice, which would require that we be punished for our misdeeds, in favor of His Midat HaRachamim , His Attribute of Mercy.

A Third of Pumpkin Tipped With Frost

watching this journal languish has been heartbreaking. i have been quickened again, like the time in June 2008 (journal)

Lists. are. good.

1. Archived the oldest and already processed entries, pages, journals.

2. new layout coming soon.

3. new pictures? well maybe not. i would like at least one of my sites to be photo free.. they clog things up sometime.s writing is like a rapier, and pictures ares a blunt force visual trauma..

4. no more personal observations on current relationships.

5. More testimony. Speaking of my Master gives me pleassurrrre.

conclusion

insert gratuitious request for more fairy lights and little hearts and roses please. while the beast growls and the thing ravens and the element is broken for my body. thank you for asking, "Do you really want this thing unleashed?" honestly do not know. always trying to unring a bell? well. not this time my lovely wenchless excess. To touch again without guarding myself from backlash. what a glorious feeling~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~