A School Wednesday

PEERING AT A JOURNAL OF THE FIRST THREE DAYS.  how is starts, nobody knows and where it goes, nobody knows.

Wednesday, September 3rd, 2008 6 pm

listening to Cracked Rear View Hootie and the Blowfish. Really is poignant. danny and i used to listen to that so much... Kills a spot in me, to know it is gone forever. Actions that are unreversible. leading to destruction. what a agonizing thing, Lord. more than a dream, it was a real work of art that got trashed by the careless behavior of the guardians n participants.

i will feel. i will i will i will.
i will not suppress.
It is the school year, the “firsts”, the “never agains”, the awkward communication, everyone a bit self protective and not trusting for much.......Blame grows cold in logic's light..........what to do, not how bad it hurts

had to turn the music off. just a bucket of tears. i do NOT need to call someone to fall apart. i can do that all by my lonesome. I took the high road, and it ends here for a couple months. RV land. separated from my sons, so that they may live. fuck, hard, hard, hard.  Paying for my freedom the old-fashioned way.

And now aroused. Passion becoming a reality in my life.  the details of surrender, oh my, my, my. amante tia l'uomo my man  feel me. you are never two dimensional and neither am i. 

You have changed the energy flow of our companionship, no words are there. amazes and opens my eyes. too fast too soon for how long my deal will take, sooo you 'push' this away.  By your personal will, changed the energy flow. wow. some leo. under my skin. and i am thankful. the pain now will save much pain later, yes? it that is his intention. i believe it is.. his heart....

Wednesday, September 3rd, 2008
ok, ...cool today..but i have an aching part right here. He said he would stick this out. he said he loves me. he said i am made for him. ok, so trust that. Remember, "Trust me! Trust me. Trust me." oohhh, i haven't forgotten, his voice uttering the words. they actually made sense.

elementary mistake, thinking she was necessary.  miss the engagement by him. like a weight in my chest though.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`~~~~~~~~~~ so craving his tongue, the velvet mouth and that incredibly steamy tongue. mentioned i want to revisit some of the things and he didn't sound as if he agreed, so now  i am confused.. .. ...
not like if anything happened he would call anyway. does he like the secret mistress/lov(er) aspect all mostly?...  bing

matchbox twenty is the playlist and now Jean Luc Ponti


MONDAY Sept. 1, 2008 6:30 am
wow a new blank page, love it!   Saptembers theme baby: this is the month for orgasms. all kinds all shapes...your  style, or what i like in the way of oral foreplay, intimacy, endplay, loveyplay.  How to tell a man. What this sensual man does already... more and completely ~~ rough where warranted, soft and sensual elsewhere.

 Reply to gives ...taking a minute of you lover and stretching it to an hour of all of you....

playlist - alana davis, billie mayers, beth orton