Blowing of the shofar

after sunday, no more stuff in the house. It is the one thing that eli needs from me. It is the one thing that carries with it the weight of the past. It must be removed and replaced. to my hurt. to my accounts. It belongs to the sensual healing of the past relationships as well, so it does have the potential of becoming a snare. so be it Lord. manage my pain for me please. you know i have to work and sleep.

today, A man who can't put his own house in order for himself... ... ... this one has. for how many long years. patiently well, sort of. for the helpmeet who will meet his oddities and raise 'em one or two. there is not that much difference beteen a museum and a mausoleum.

most days i feel like 'every-o-woman'. and yet it breaks my heart to see him carry that ministry, being exalted hourly, and having no dinner when he comes home. sort of the potato minstry meets the fire, lol.

like i said, the simple pleasures

today, the second thing. aha. i was strongly attracted to the shofar banner. i know nothing about it so i went looking and things just started to explode. i need some hands laid on me. called laurie in tears.

protection from Abba so the reaper doesn't  hew my ass entirely through.. the new seeds and the current crop are smelling pretty good, yet, i am so completely at the mercy of the world the devil and the reaping of the flesh, so to speak.

"How to Proceed"

but the point is, i am supposed to be a warrior and yet i am ignorant and unschooled and my mind is my worst enemy. I have no freedom for at least two  years. i am in straitened circumstances. that and distance? perhaps i am merely a key. For this man to proceed with all forgiveness and unbound things. to carry on.. (When He tells you, i am at least first in line to know, yes?)

thought i would chronicle this.

today i flew the banner of the holy spirit and i felt like a kid on a picnic with her daddy.. drove me in to the Word, 'i will rise to greet my Beloved', then to intercede for eli. specifically.

well, what he doesn't know yet, is that not only did i rise to greet my mother and bless her but the same day i was convulsed in a grip for the peace of jerusalem and a cry against her adversaires, even my own country...

so why today are the black dogs so kind.

 The dream. started in 1981-86.  i am in a house just in throught front door, ahead and to the left is a wide gracious fireplace adjacent to stairts. The stairs curve upwardaway and then like a left hand turn. on the right is a door. like a full-size pantry double swinging door. i am facing the wide stairs across the room, fireplace on the left, double doors on the right.

as i cross the space a goodly way to go to the stairs, there appear dogs to my left and the foot of the stair. i do not know where they came from  but they are fierce and defensive and offensive, for they block me, face me  constant noise, barking growl. the stairs are flooded with light like the landing turn window is faceing west.

i try to take one more step forward; am flung backwards. a terrible fright comes upon me. too scard to piss.

and then i wake up with the keeneest sense of longing and loss. anguish.

like i felt today as i crossed the choppy sound to home.

i failed to prepared for this moment all my life. this was the time. for me. and i wasted his grace. so now the time is upon me. and i am found wanting. my talent lay buried. What Mordecai told Esther, "And who knows whether you have not attained royalty for such a time as this?"

be not indifferent? rev. 3:19.: I correct and discipline everyone I love. So be diligent and turn from your indifference.

can you annull that lord

 It shall be a day of sounding [the ram's horn] for you.

Lord, Lizzy What Have Ye Gone and Done Now?

you do NOT know for certain it is the combination of the two together. especially in a small place..so are you ready to operate solo and team?

well, now i know. it is the goddess things. the old things. the woman things. the spirit of a woman. not an angel per se or its counterpart, but the things that are of the earth. dark old fertility stuff. the outlawed stuff that is cleaned up with the media and re- represented as new truth.. things i do not even dabble in or look at but they do creep  to their places. There are no spirits in my house that are allowed under the blood of the covenant, so that is must be what you are feeling. what my boys live with. . . the healing OF that presences and WHEN her touch is heavy?

 it is something no man can know. Although this Aries is a feminine art and has the strengths of both. When a man takes that physiological convulsion and owns it... well... he has just partaken of the goddess... it is not a delilah thing but a strength of the earth thing. like rocks. and bull horns. and the smell of sweat. and burning hot sun baking heat out of dirt. i want to be shaken to my core. and kept there. blues.

dryads and trolls and orcs and oh my.. .. mermaids too i suppose.. .. the things that God has put together let no woman take asunder. the judgement on our gender forever.. .. the goddess lost in the garden as did the serpent.. she was ancient with God i think, but then what do i know. i am only an ignorant saint of the lowest persuasion. yet there is hope that a serving wench with an appetite for cock and scripture; not necessarily in that order, might find graces to serve as it pleases you dear Jesus.. right. the mantra. invocation to come to order. get back in ones' right mind.. call upon Jesus.. for a vessel of finest construction and fit for a king, but not a kings' chamberpot. yes. that fits.. well.

This warrior image is all tied up with the potter's hand. i get an image of this man weeping over the potter's wheel. touched by both the goddess and the Truth as his life is spun into a representation of his receptacle.

 Believe me, women smell sensuality on a man.. oh yes. and combined with the other manifold destinies? only a matter of time before that will be a weapon in the enemies hands? yes.. it is the dance.  on christ's rock. most of the time. women will generally back off if the scent of one woman is upon the ministry and the man/him. so. there that is.

and who knows what may grow and thrive and blossom and fruit and root deeply in that protection? A mate is a covering for the man as well.  the sensuality things.. nothing that is consensual is taboo. so whatever juices flow outside the wall. are certainly food for play inside the walls.

How do i know this? from listening to women in place of sensual needs. healing stuff. Woman thou art loosed stuff. I have been a transmitter  more than once but not always on an aware and directive level especially not as a couple. That would be like a dream come true. i have always responded to men in that way.
This was the first time that a man made the differentiation between responding and working, during intimacy, during encounters.  

thank you for the blindfold. thank you for sight. through Your eyes. you are the God of all the Ages, the Holy One.. Zion's star. wowo..!

 Now that explains that back to back image which has been mine for twenty some odd years...it is two warriors. She is under him, he is leaning back against her. her back is bowed to take his weight; the sword is in her hand but point down. He has the shield and is covering her exhaustion. The shield is up; a full size medallion. He is using it to block their open side where the enemy is down the hill regrouping. it is a lull in the battle. Sharing weapons. YOu can see them breathing in from each other.

Weary and magnificent.. Jany Eyre woodcut skies, both in their armor still. I always thought this was a boris vallejo print.. but i can't find it anywhere..
Sometimes the enemy is lying slaughtered at their feet and in a ring around the sides of this hill.. sometimes it is a bluish gray Nordic mythology look and feel and it is the worm ouroubourous.. not always.

well, i am a possessive bitch, not jealous. just possessive so the one thing has gotta be: when it is time to breathe each other in, it is time worth the taking.. i find kneeling is a blessing to me.

i used to lie with my fingers and toes curled into the mother in the middle of a plowed field.. watching contrail.. she let me sense one time t hat i was on a living thing and that we  were swirling through time and space and only my grasp upon her hide kept me tethered. lying in the cottonwood tree was the same thing.. ..

 I will to be that private restoration. i work in the background to bring consensus. that is how "i use, therefore i am"..