Tuesday morning early

woke up with an aha!

i have always been the self contained one. move into MY world.  My place. but i would readily give up loves and desires and space to whoever shared with me.

The dom who touches my cheek and with that touch assures me a place in his world; the lion who let me into his lair and licked my wounds clean and shared his wounds with me; the millionaire who needed me to manage his lonely house in costa rica.

Only the lion ever relaly loved me. and i don't know why he stopped.

having the construction guy over for dinner with his two little dogs. they sleep with him and keep him sane, quote unquote. not able to sustain a real relationship at our age. a string of failed loves. many of them interested in the family fortune..

i realized that right away, the need for connection has to be with both ends.

give me your eyes so i can see.

where is someone to love me. to do things with me. not like in highg school where i went to all the boyfriend functions. which the construction guy represents... him ravaging my body with his cock is not an automatic ticket to orgasm.. why bother at all if i can't come unless i am loved.

oh michael. i wake up missing you.. missing my dream of you. bullshit you werent a dom.