ohward upword take some

First Wednesday of the year. Everything is new, but in an ancient cycle.

So braggin' rights are mine. i moved the whole way, the whole thing, without any man's assistance. too bad m. did not believe me in the first place. Could have saved myself a lotta physical pain. So that is a tough lesson. Never again will i say, "No man has helped me, nor have i used any man to meet my needs."

We all use each other somewherem, sometime. just getting this down on papaer is good. i miss michael like my face is gone. and there is nothing to do abonut it. i miss his smell, his ideals, his mind melding with mine. he missed out on this expereince. i dont' want that to happen again. so either there will be NO ONE to share a damned thing, or there will be the umbilical lifeline. never too old to love or fuck or touch or laught like a 6 yr old.

i love my new place. love being here. love having my things around me. Hate being broke and poor and small and plain. Hate being in this place in my life. Hate having no michael to wake up with...

Hate thinking about my sons. Moving in one son this weekend. Then he commutes weekly to Seattle and stays with his brother for school week. so simple, could they give him a place to sleep?

and the rule is, no contact.

oh, family. pictures of the boys are up. My life was stolen by a mistress.