Is it possible already?

second wednesday?

Such despair? Where did  the promise of the new year go?

livin in the flesh, hungry for a lover, hungry for my muse. terrified of everything right now. the unknown, were we going somewhere different than the usual places with this life? am i not content to be no one here and someone later? How do i move onward? Does life go on?

Who the fuck can sleep on an airmattress? the young and the firm? i am in so much pain. the fridge is empty. DISH is coming to install for a TV i do not yet have. i broke down and emailed M. this morning. The new muse online with his erotic writing, see below.. another frightening challenge. and an unworthy man. no one i would care to call by name... faceless jaded appetites.

Well, i do believe in love. M. gave me that. I love Jesus, my sons, my worthless ex-husand,  my girl friends. Ordinarily, i love getting up in the morning, my job, my challenges.

If my hunger was not so strong it couldn't possibly vaporize my submissive tendencies.

so here it is, my obit for love and hope this year.. he told me he might 'entertain the idea' of getting ahold of me, later. we were meant to be together. so i am not whole.

ahhh, does life really go on>? after an awakening like that. every story, every evil chuckle, every pain-filled growl, every assertion of dominance. my last memory of you is not the pissy one, but the tenderness of your hands brushing the hair from my cheek; face pressed into your couch, cumming deeply on your cock. your restraint to let me finish, then you said, "can i cum now?" and the pressure of your seed, hot and filling. what beauty in loving. yl