i do not know what to do

here it is wednesday night. i am drinking a bottle of wine and am completely stoned. After the v-day commuunication with .he never got back to me. that means he DOES think i am a wack job. oh m g

i put in a smoking corer chair and ashtray for him. filled the fridge and cupboards. it was all because of v-day that i went over i the CICU account anyway. this morning, my first rent check bounced.

This afternoon i finished the taxes and 'we' owe the IRS $788. it might as well be the moon.

This was after i went to brememrton and cried in Pat's parkig lot. Cried as i looked up the hill where M. lives..

Cried on my way out of town. This rejection stuff coupled with the mixed messages has me slightly loopy already.

making dinner tonight though it struck me, how critical micahel is. what is it that i can't let it go... he validated me? He never really did support me 'smart'... i cannot figure it out.

oh and today i went to the local foodbank and got food for eli..because he is home in that filithy house and hungry.

Now i am behind several weeks on personal finances. it was terrifying to see how much money we made last year together.. should have been easy squeesy... instead, it must be true, i am a loser because we scratched and scraped and i will never catch up.. i messed up lord, i get that part.

is this the "eating of the labor of my hands?" the down side..

i can't make any of it right and don't know how to act. the anxiety was only partly relieved by me getting stumbling shitfaced. or at least on my way to tipsy and walkign funny.

welcome to my hell....i messed up with michael..... he is a harsh man... no excuses for you, lizzy.. crazy overload from family? Poof! away wi'ye.... his loss , but i am crying...

Ok, just read my Thursday horoscope, if you can call Dr standley that. God? grant me the strength to deal with the truths you reveal. your daughter adn the one you love, elizabeth

The Moon in Sagittarius is moving through your 12th house of the hidden realm, subconscious, past, pain, karma, jails, institutions, hospitals, finances of friends, secret sorrows, fears, self-destruction, large animals, skeletons in closet, self-undoing and self-injury. It is about your hidden strengths, weaknesses and what you don't want others to see or know about you, unredeemed karma and selfless service to humanity. Refrain from letting this house frighten you because it is necessary that you look at your own self-undoing in order to keep yourself on the straight path.

Comments

[elizabethanne]

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! just struck me that "large animals" could refer to nok since he thinks of himself as a lion and not a man..
a true leo wouldn't fucking apologize for haveing a beautiful cock. or be rude about it.. ha.