Wednesday
06Aug2008
WEDNESDAY UPDATE!
Wednesday, August 6, 2008 at 10:02PM
Wednesday, 6 August 2008 at 10:02 PM Mood: jealous but joyful and free
So, yes he did. Sunday morning, a beautiful poached egg breakfast. tender hands deftly slicing a juicy tomato. slipped the last of the Swiss cheese on my sausage patty, thinking i wouldn't notice the extra touch. Then, a candid photo of him with the kitchen towel around his shoulders, pausing in the doorway. Soul in his Thomas Hardy blue eyes, rakish grin lighting up all his smile lines. Charm, grace on outdoor handsome. Such a difference from the grim loathing of the "SIR" self-portrait taken a couple of months ago for his online profiles. So which 4-letter word is it?
I can only speak for the hoodie which knows all my secrets. Hope floats, yes it does. I see a man who has come in to his own; vitality and power with the grace of a hunting pride. Takes my breath away.
At the gym today, totally freebasing oxygen all the way to 1.4 miles, it occurred to me that the thin similarities between us are core deep. Not peas in a pod, but right and left thumbprints.
Have you ever screamed at the top of your lungs just to assure yourself you are alive and not alone because you can hear your voice? Have you ever heard the voice of the eternal at so young of an age that you didn't know what it meant, but only that you were encompassed? Sure it fades with adulthood, but you are marked forever. Your heart may belong to you now, but it is claimed.
Our hearts belong as they should, but my soul is alive in a way that defies gravity.. .. .. I drown in one drop of his attention to my person.. .. .. I will never again let anyone treat me the way i lived this life for so many years. Especially myself! ! It is not worth or esteem or any of that crap. It is the simple knowing that the Master's hand took me to the darkest edge; not for me, but so that i would acknowledge my allegiances in the proper places. Then he swung me up on the swing and pushed me until i lost my breath and the sky was dizzy and as blue as my companion's eyes; hugged me tight and said, "Don't forget, go have fun."
Unfold, shine on us, show the way, let it always be, let it always stay, always hold the key.
For August's story, i have Nelle's excerpt, and the tale of first time. Also a tale of white stockings and blue bindings, humming. think i will work on vignettes.
FORMER HOME FRONT?
Two things. It is taking much longer than i feel safe with. The volatility and hostility and harm to me is real. No one understands that. I am afraid of him. there , i said it out loud. He continues to harm me every way except physically. All over the map.
Cut and run? That is not an option at this point. His success equals my freedom for future burdens. He can have it all and somewhere along the way not self-destruct? that is the high road i choose for the sake of my heart (boys).
thing two: I have paid for all my sins at least once and continue to pay twice over in order to be free. A high price, yes. One that makes me weep or gnash depending on the level of my gas tank. Being thrown back to bimonthly finances? For how long?
As long as it takes, so deal with it, lizzy. I am infinitely better off than many! I am out! I have both sanctuary and home! I have options that many do not! Weeping may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning.
Playlist: Nanci Griffith
The complete MCA Studio Recordings
**One Blade Shy of a Sharp Edge**
So, yes he did. Sunday morning, a beautiful poached egg breakfast. tender hands deftly slicing a juicy tomato. slipped the last of the Swiss cheese on my sausage patty, thinking i wouldn't notice the extra touch. Then, a candid photo of him with the kitchen towel around his shoulders, pausing in the doorway. Soul in his Thomas Hardy blue eyes, rakish grin lighting up all his smile lines. Charm, grace on outdoor handsome. Such a difference from the grim loathing of the "SIR" self-portrait taken a couple of months ago for his online profiles. So which 4-letter word is it?
I can only speak for the hoodie which knows all my secrets. Hope floats, yes it does. I see a man who has come in to his own; vitality and power with the grace of a hunting pride. Takes my breath away.
At the gym today, totally freebasing oxygen all the way to 1.4 miles, it occurred to me that the thin similarities between us are core deep. Not peas in a pod, but right and left thumbprints.
Have you ever screamed at the top of your lungs just to assure yourself you are alive and not alone because you can hear your voice? Have you ever heard the voice of the eternal at so young of an age that you didn't know what it meant, but only that you were encompassed? Sure it fades with adulthood, but you are marked forever. Your heart may belong to you now, but it is claimed.
Our hearts belong as they should, but my soul is alive in a way that defies gravity.. .. .. I drown in one drop of his attention to my person.. .. .. I will never again let anyone treat me the way i lived this life for so many years. Especially myself! ! It is not worth or esteem or any of that crap. It is the simple knowing that the Master's hand took me to the darkest edge; not for me, but so that i would acknowledge my allegiances in the proper places. Then he swung me up on the swing and pushed me until i lost my breath and the sky was dizzy and as blue as my companion's eyes; hugged me tight and said, "Don't forget, go have fun."
Unfold, shine on us, show the way, let it always be, let it always stay, always hold the key.
For August's story, i have Nelle's excerpt, and the tale of first time. Also a tale of white stockings and blue bindings, humming. think i will work on vignettes.
FORMER HOME FRONT?
Two things. It is taking much longer than i feel safe with. The volatility and hostility and harm to me is real. No one understands that. I am afraid of him. there , i said it out loud. He continues to harm me every way except physically. All over the map.
Cut and run? That is not an option at this point. His success equals my freedom for future burdens. He can have it all and somewhere along the way not self-destruct? that is the high road i choose for the sake of my heart (boys).
thing two: I have paid for all my sins at least once and continue to pay twice over in order to be free. A high price, yes. One that makes me weep or gnash depending on the level of my gas tank. Being thrown back to bimonthly finances? For how long?
As long as it takes, so deal with it, lizzy. I am infinitely better off than many! I am out! I have both sanctuary and home! I have options that many do not! Weeping may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning.
Playlist: Nanci Griffith
The complete MCA Studio Recordings
**One Blade Shy of a Sharp Edge**
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