Wednesday's Anxiety and Urges

spent money on cheap used furnishing. call shit what it is. anxiety mistake.

but the chair and the bed will be better than what i have. the bookshlef was the only thing that i really needed.

yeah, so a natural submissive gets taken advantage of a lot. the unaware, and who is more unaware than a person who naturally gives of theirself. harder to tell abuse from hospitality.

i also realized that with the advent of his dau back into his life, nok is entered around the three main women who have always loved him. leaves no place for me if he so chooses..and without his sister and his dau, the window last summer was the only chance we will get to build this great thing together.. the wheel tu rns thoug, cy cle of all things. his face is heartshaped like a lion but he moves like a cancer...

my next and always. but not the lover of my soul. that breaks my heart.

i aM SO GLAD TO HAVE LI-LI TO FOCUS ON!  something. debt. work.

i jsut hope though in my reunion with eli that it will only take two years. He may never come around. i can't face that allt he time. i only think of it in little snippets. Like Nok talked about his dau. pain and love and condemnation and sadness and resignation. every parent has it...

bless and do not cuirse, lassie, it ainly leads you tae blessing yorsel.