LAST WEDNESDAY OF A

weird month.

ok, the basics. i am now on a salary schedule which is every other weekend off.

I do not know if my body can maintain that for very long.

mylion and i are sort of in a weird place too. my bad if i lose him. there is so much i am journaling right now about that. He is very smart and self protective and he has seen a lot of loss. i wonder about his vows and do vows work when the person is secular. Gotta serves omebody love. your faith is what makes you whole. "my heart  belongs to me" is the hellish place on earth.

Went back to church, but not back into the culture. God has GOT to be bigger than the evangelical belief system or HE would be using it more to rock HIS world. just saying.

I love Jesus more this week than i have in a long time.

The fact remains that danny and i are no more. kaput. broken. and neither of us can get  past that. niether can anyone who knows us.

my friends are absolutley right. i wake up in the morning with a smile because i am whole in me. not because so and so loves me, or everything is going well. having a hard time with that.

eli and i talked this week. still  no resolution.

liam is pushing me to go back to the Egyptian way of doing things. i cannot.

i am  on the edge financially and alone

The panic attacks got better the minute i turned it back over to jesus.

i still love m. even though i know he is my south  point.